The Question of Funding NPR

The Question of Funding NPR

The Congress recently voted to cut funding for NPR. It is time to see if the bill makes it through the Senate. The amount of funding the government gives NPR is very small compared to their total budget. However, the budget needs fixing. Either we need more taxes for the wealthy or we need to make cuts in programs, or both this essay addresses funding issues relative to NPR.

Firstly, I won’t make you hunt. If NPR’s budget is cut, though I am an avid listener, I won’t complain, but I might fret a little. At least the government would be doing something to help solve their financial problems. Though cutting NPR doesn’t have the earmarks of being a Democrat idea, ultimately if there is to be something done about the massive debt of our country, one side has to give, either the Republicans or the Democrats.

I would prefer if we cut our military budget though it could be more disastrous. If our soldiers no longer have the military to count on for work, then they have a much greater potential for becoming an underclass than the folks that work at NPR. The people that work for NPR will always be among our countries best. However, given all the waivers, felonies, obesity and other problems of those who enlist in the military perhaps the republicans are right. By continuing our wars abroad, perhaps we are keeping the junk out of our nation. Those are harsh words, but probably accurate. There once was a time when the military was America’s finest, but largely due to fault of our military recruiters we have let the quality of the personnel in the military slide. Most of those would be the underclass. It would probably be less expensive to label them with PTSD, and give them a monthly Social Security check, but we have other problems that might be greater such as worrying about America’s security if we bring our troops home.

I just listened to a program that gave the data. NPR is the most unbiased news program. Thus, to me they have most likely spent every penny in a wise way. This is such that we might expect to see some decline in the quality of NPR’s programming even if they lose only a small portion of their funding. It will be sad. However, to me NPR represents some of America’s most capable citizens. If anyone is able to figure out how to make a buck stretch further, then it will be NPR. Besides, many other news sources do not receive funding, and because of that it makes it more difficult for them to compete with NPR. Perhaps, if this bill goes through the senate, and funding for NPR is cut, it will help level the playing field for news. Maybe it will even help the ailing newspaper business, but probably not.

Npr funding, npr, congress

President Donald Trump, I hope not!

President Donald Trump, I hope not!

Donald Trump is going to run for President as a Republican. Donald Trump is the anti-thesis of the idea of the biblical ruler, or least someone that will make a good ruler. So when you cast your vote next election, I urge you to remember Deuteronomy 17:17. Trump’s riches make him unfit to be a good ruler. Why? When one has riches, they are unable to relate to common men. The biblical idea of the king is that the king is the most righteous person on earth under G-d. Part of that idea of righteousness is included in Deuteronomy 17:17. People that are righteous according to the Bible are not rich, not to be confused with the idea that merely being poor is a good idea. Some people are poor because they aren’t good people too. Trump may have worked hard for his money. I will give him credit for that. He might be very intelligent. I will give him credit for that. But, he is not righteous in the biblical sense of the idea. Trump would be another George Bush Jr. If he gets elected, don’t expect him to remain popular for long.

The king shall not accumulate an excessive quantity of gold and silver (Deut. 17:17).

Trump might be a successful business man, but this is not the type of person we want for President. Next to Trump’s casinos are pawn shops. He only creates wealth for a very small amount of people. As the middle class shrinks, I doubt many would put up with the kind of America a Trump presidency would bring. America would continue its horrible trend; the rich get richer, while the middle class shrinks and the poor get poorer. I see electing this man to be about the equivalent of electing a parasite. Sure he might help balance the budget, but at what cost? His changes would not be the changes that I would want to see made. The sad part is that I expect he actually could get elected. America is not fed up with the rich as much as they should be. Sadly, we hold the rich on pedestals. Too many people think, if it can happen to them, it can happen to me, when really this is nothing but the equivalent of stating how much one loves the lottery. Being able to play the lottery in life is not great freedom. If we are to play Trump’s lottery, too many of us would lose. It is a common pattern in history to observe the difference between social classes becoming so great that the people get angry and overthrow the system. Electing Donald Trump take America several steps closer to being at that point.

What we need is reform. We need budget cuts. We need many of the things Trump will promise us. It is just that he won’t bring them in the way that America needs. He will bring America more pawn shops, while the rich continue to live a life of luxury. American’s like liberty and freedom, but no poor person is truly free. Without any money, America will go down the tubes, and someone like Trump is precisely the type of person that would cause something like that to happen. If you don’t want to play the lottery in life, don’t elect Trump. If you want a robust America, then don’t elect Trump.

Bible, Trump, President

Iced Earth, Metallica, and Lot’s of Other Metal

Iced Earth, Metallica, and Lot’s of Other Metal

Musically, there is really no difference between Metallica and Iced Earth. Metallica is the original. Iced Earth is the knock off. Iced Earth plays in the style of the albums, Ride the Lightning, Master of Puppets, And Justice for All, and even the black album. However, those aren’t my favorite Metallica albums. My favorite Metallica album has been Kill Em’ All, and for a long time now (I first got that one on cassette tape. That is how old I am). Most Iced Earth songs are in the vein of Metallica’s song Damage Inc. Listening to Iced Earth is like listening to old Metallica songs that never made it on the album. Iced Earth is better than Metallica, faster and better vocals though I like Metallica guitar solos better. Their music is more like Metallica before they were played on the radio.

I haven’t really listened to new Metallica since Load. Sure, I have heard a few songs off their newer stuff like Reload and S&M. It’s crap if you ask me. I have to admit that I liked Hero of the Day, but that was the only song I liked off of Load. It seemed like a good pop song, and I didn’t mind how much airplay it got. It was the best song going at the time on the radio.

I first heard and liked Metallica in 4^th grade (And Justice for All.) I got hooked on Metallica in 8^th grade (black album). I got hooked on lots of other bands then to like Ozzy Osbourne’s No More Tears and Skid Row’s Slave to the Grind in 8^th grade to. However, my favorite album was probably Ozzy’s Tribute to Randy Rhoads. That year was a real turning point in my life. That is also when I started going to see local hardcore shows as well. Some people said that that the black album was a sellout, but I still remember relating to the song Sad But True at that period of my life when I was chucking apples at the woodpile, watching them explode, out of frustration because I was being bullied. I guess that makes me old, but probably not among their oldest fans. I admit, I haven’t been there listening to Metallica since the beginning.

Metallica didn’t even really mix with Nirvana. I heard Nirvana, and bought Nevermind long before it was on the radio. I remember probably in about 7^th grade requesting to hear Nirvana’s song Territorial Pissings and the dj would not have anything to do with it. That was before Smells Like Teen Spirit was released as a single. Nobody knew what to request off that album then, and probably most hadn’t even heard of it. I heard it on a car trip with some older kids that listened to stuff like S.O.D., Slayer, and Ozzy.

I also heard Rage Against the Machine long before they were popular, and bought their first album too. I distinctly remember trying to sell people on Rage Against the Machine when they were brand new without any luck. That was before they were on MTV, a year later when I was in high school. So, I guess you could say that I was ahead of my time. Most of the kids I grew up with were weaned on the radio, while I had already seriously become jaded by the musical system by the time I reached 8^th grade and didn’t hear either Metallica’s black album, or Megadeth’s Countdown to Extinction album on the radio. I had begun studying guitar, so I knew that Metallica was better than what the radio was playing. The only place you would hear Slayer, Testament, or Pantera outside of their concerts and your car was on the Metal Zone on 94HJY out of Providence, late Saturday night (technically Sunday), and my parents made me wake up to go to church though sometimes I would record it, risking getting in trouble from my parents for staying up so late.

I remember the shock of hearing Metallica’s Ride the Lightning on New Jersey’s equivalent to WPXE more than 10 years after it was released back when I was at Rutgers University. It was almost like corporate America admitting that they had made a mistake by not promoting Metallica since Ride the Lightning. WPXE was not yet playing them. Eventually, they went out on a limb and aired that rather weak song, Nothing Else Matters, soon after, even some Megadeth from the rather weak Cryptic Writings album. (Okay, major label back in the Ride the Lightning days, but Sanctuary also was on a major label, so that doesn’t mean anything as far as I am concerned. Metallica for the most part got the shaft of corporate America when I started listening to them. Lots of bands on major labels get dill. For those not in the know, Sanctuary was the predecessor to Nevermore. Nevermore was another one of those bands I had heard of long before they made it to the record store.)

That was because, when I grew up, nobody knew what to do with Metallica or metal at all. Metal was that music that was usually tucked away on Roadrunner Records or Metal Blade, where I can remember checking out Deicide’s Once Upon the Cross, Fear Factory’s Soul of a New Machine, and Sepultura’s Arise when they were all fairly new. Okay, I did listen to Cannibal Corpse, and they got popular in a movie, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, but only as a joke. And, don’t forget Slayer, it’s just that though they play the Comcast Center now, I wasn’t with them from the beginning either.

In high school I was really into metal, not in dress, just the music. I even skipped out on Senior Prom night in order to see GWAR live at Avalon. Now, Avalon is the House of Blues in Boston. I also really liked local bands like Drain, J Base, Eastcide, and Rebound. They often played a local club, The Approach, which went out of business, or various American Legions. Drain had to change their name to Drained when a band on a major label claimed it. These bands just didn’t mix with the other stuff that was out there. There were also a few stirrings about hardcore acts like Earth Crisis. In fact, many of them didn’t even mix with each other.

For some reason a lot of people thought that if you listened to Pantera that you couldn’t and even shouldn’t listen to Iron Maiden, etcetera. If you listened to Earth Crises, then you shouldn’t listen to Judas Priest, etcetera. Headbanger’s Ball was no longer played on MTV. It seemed as if corporate America wanted to phase out metal back then, only later to do a 180 when I was at college. The Ozzfest, which started its annual tour during my senior year of high school, was probably responsible. Yet, by college I was listening to European metal bands like In Flames (I saw them on their first US tour, and started listening to them circa the Whoracle album), Cradle of Filth (I saw them on their first US tour, circa the Cruelty and the Beast album), and Dimmu Borgir (I saw their first US show, and started listening to them circa the Enthrone Darkness Triumphant album). They weren’t getting any major attention either back then. WSOU did give them some attention, but even they were generally only played on an obscure late night show, while they would play Slayer midday. And, there was probably only one record store in all of New Jersey that actually carried this music. By the way I haven’t heard anything good from Cradle of Filth for a while.

College was very different than high school for me. In high school, nobody listened to metal that I was aware of, except me at least. I usually went to shows alone. However, in New Jersey I had a fairly large circle of friends that would frequent concerts in the Philadelphia, New York City, and New Jersey area. And, since this area had so many people, every act that toured always came through.

Then, of course, the thing I had thought I always wanted happened. Metal became popular, except the bands weren’t the old mainstays or even the style I loved. It was Nu Metal. Even WSOU had sold out to nu metal. The old musicians it seemed hated it, except for Ozzy. Ozzy had nu metal at his OzzFests, but my friends and I generally agreed that Ozzy only did this so that he wouldn’t be upstaged by the better acts that we listened to. I couldn’t afford to go to an OzzFest anyway, and plus I’d rather be able to get up close to a band at a smaller venue. That is one reason I have never seen Metallica live either. They have just been too darned expensive for me to consider seeing live. I wouldn’t want to go see them live anyway now because they have too much junk songs published on albums. Even bands that would have never before been found in shopping malls and common record stores eventually showed up everywhere. Newbury Comics in Hyannis, MA didn’t used to carry many of them while I was at college, but eventually I could find them there too. Metal was popular, but it came at a price.

I can’t admit that I have been with Iced Earth since the beginning either. I picked up on them at college. That was when Days of Purgatory was new. I bought it without having ever heard them because one webpage that seemed to give good reviews of metal gave them very high reviews on that one, the new one back then, as well as their other albums. Days of Purgatory got me hooked. I still listen to it. I have to admit that a lot of their music sounds the same to me, but it is good stuff. Later on, after college, when I saw that they had released “The Blessed and the Damned,” I picked that one up too. That’s four disks of Iced Earth. Four disks of them are plenty, for me at least. I saw them live in college at a metal fest in New Jersey. They put on a good act. They played on the main stage, but I read that in Europe they could fill a stadium. However, I am pretty sure that was the same year that Divine Empire played, but on the third stage. I like Divine Empire better though they never really seemed to catch on. They are just too plain heavy to attract a large following. Again, I was going more underground than most people. I can remember God Forbid when they just had a demo out, and I was like one of 4 people at their show.

Midway through college, I had a psychotic episode. I threw out a lot of metal cds though I still held onto a few like Iced Earth, Slayer, and Morbid Angel. I couldn’t really tell fantasy from reality, so I needed to show myself what was real by listening to my parents. I also decided to transfer to a Christian college, Gordon. They wanted to blame the entire episode on the music I listened to. I knew better than that, but if I read the lyrics and I couldn’t tell if it was fantasy or reality, I generally got rid of it. I tried listening to metal bands like Extol, as I had suddenly gone from being very anti-religion to very pro-religion, hyper-religious, but Extol wasn’t really what I was looking for. They were as good as some bands, but they just weren’t my particular taste. At Gordon, I was shocked when I saw a God Forbid album, Determination in the store at a shopping mall. I bought it. In my absence, the bands that I had been listening to who where once nobodies were quickly finding their ways into shopping malls.

Slowly, metal crept back into my life, but old Metallica and Iced Earth were always there for me. Yet, this time metal, at least the less accessible kind, had lost some of its pull of my attention. I was more into bands like Queensryche, Dream Theater, Al di Meola, Greg Howe, Tony MacAlpine, and Planet X (jazzy metal or progressive metal, and not really any death metal). Yeah, and there were a few old ones like Meshuggah and Mercyful Fate. And, yeah, Planet X is hardly accessible for most people, but my wife is a violin and piano player so she knows what is good for the most part.

The heaviest bands once again worked their way out in and out of my cd player. My wife didn’t like the stuff I grew up on. I was also finding that I just couldn’t mix it in well with the other music. Iced Earth and Metallica mix in now, at least according to my wife, but Mercyful Fate and Meshuggah don’t. I think that is because Metallica got some airplay, thus my wife realized they were acceptable, but not because Mercyful Fate, and Meshuggah don’t mix in.

By now I am out of touch with what is new. In fact, I don’t know if anyone is breaking new bands. But, the only time I miss a GWAR show is when I lack the funds. No one puts on a better show than GWAR.

Trust, the Lord and the Problem of Pain

Trust, the Lord and the Problem of Pain

I believe in G-d. To clarify, I believe in a Cosmic Organizer outside of creation. I do not believe in creation. I do not believe in any part of creation, or that any part of creation ever was G-d. To believe in creation is to be an atheist. To believe a part of creation is G-d in either the past or the present is idolatry. To believe in the Force behind creation is to believe in G-d. However, I am without trust in G-d. This is mostly due to my own personal health problems, especially when I was in college. I did fairly well in high school, but slowly over the four years of high school and my first three years of college, my health declined. Yet, this isn’t just about me. The centerpiece of this essay is an analysis of the problem of pain. Pain is such I consider that humanity aught not trust in G-d.

Though I exhibited many overt actions that indicated that G-d was at the very center of my being during the years of my decline, the truth was that my heart did not seek G-d. I believed in G-d, but I was very much lukewarm in my faith. Certainly, I was very involved in my local community, and even in international outreach projects, but my heart wasn’t where G-d was. I did these things because I thought it would be a good idea to do them, yet I had an evil sense of self which did not allow me to delight in the service G-d as I did them. This is especially interesting to me because my health did not begin to recover until I reached out to G-d.

It was not until I committed my heart to G-d that things started looking up for me. Before I committed my heart to G-d, I was a junior at Rutgers and very unhealthy. The worse I felt, the more I would blame it on G-d. I had lost my faith, and G-d was but a symbol of the things that plagued me. Yet, despite all this, I am reluctant to attribute my recovery to G-d. In the dark days, it was as if an evil spirit of the Lord had come upon me.

I understand that G-d may work in mysterious ways. Really, it was a matter of getting the right tests, the right doctors, and the right medications that improved my health, but that is not to say that G-d did not have a provisional hand in it. In fact, one could go so far as to say I prayed about it and my greatest problems vanished, neglecting to show the operation of the Lord as a Motivator of the Cosmos. In fact, one of my counselors, whom was a faith based counselor, declared, “You are a Job,” where Job is a biblical character whom overtly acts good, but blasphemes G-d internally. In the story, G-d entrusts Job to Satan, Satan causes much suffering to Job, but eventually Job proves himself innocent, such that what is taken from him is restored. This does sound very similar to the story of my life so far. The only thing that needs to happen to complete the story is that I have to live to be over 100yrs old, as Job reportedly did. In fact, it was during my worst times before I had known any real recovery that I spoke with this counselor, and it came only as a surprise to me that my life years after he said that has become filled with abundance. When the counselor told me this, mentally I shrugged it off thinking I would only suffer more and die, never having hope of a cure.

It occurs to me that actually what I have is a great fear of the Lord, gained through my own personal knowledge of the gravity of which humanity is capable of suffering. I do all in my power, most of the time, to observe the upright teachings of the Lord, yet even though he has given me the desires of my heart, a wife and a son, I still to not really trust the Lord. I still remember those days of suffering when it seemed that things could not get any worse. I question, how could a loving G-d allow that to happen? I question how can a loving G-d afflict children? I question, how can a loving G-d permit something such as the Holocaust to occur? These things wear on me, and when I think of them, I am bitter toward the Lord. I question, was it by chance that my health improved, such that I consider that it was not my wholehearted obedience to the Lord that brought me salvation from suffering, but that this happened only by chance? And yet, I am wholehearted in my obedience.

I do not believe that there are good answers for such things. The Bible says that God can be both good and evil, and if God can be both of these things, why should I believe in G-d at all, except for out of fear? This is such that my eagerness to obey the Lord wholeheartedly is philosophically weak. By the scientific method, I would need to repeat this experiment for the rest of my life before being able to show any significance. However, I have resolved that for me there is no other way but to trust in the Lord. It worked once, and that is enough to last me for a lifetime of wholehearted obedience. If the Lord forsakes me, then I believe it is best to question: Why? However, even if the Lord forsakes me, possibly again, as I believe that there is nothing I could have done to merit the amount of suffering I experienced; my idea of the Lord will remain unchanged. The Lord is sovereign.

Heaven and Hell

Heaven and Hell

I did not used to believe in heaven and hell, but now I do. I am but a feeble human fumbling about in this world after all these years. I also used to think that I believed in G-d, but I was but an atheist. I used to have faith in what is, but now I have faith in what is behind what is. That said, I don’t believe that if I had died without faith, but thinking that I had it, that I would have went to hell. Thus, though I don’t deny the importance of faith, I don’t believe that faith is the only way to heaven. The question of our eternity, heaven and hell, is a question of whether or not we prefer order or disorder, and it takes time in the afterlife in order to figure out which we actually prefer, such is the idea of purgatory, when our souls are purified.

I especially don’t believe faith in Jesus is the way to heaven. I view Jesus as someone whom probably had bipolar that influenced the world greatly. Though Jesus was very confused, he did some good things and some bad things. According to their records, Samaritans had no problem with him. Yet, the Jews did. That’s no test, and I am not the judge of his soul. Some of the things he said were good, but many of them were very incorrect. That is at least according to the record, by which most of what we either know or don’t know was written down long after his death.

Believe it or not, Martin Luther has had about a profound effect on the world as Jesus, and he was but a follower of Jesus, also afflicted with bipolar. I don’t have faith in Jesus anymore than I have faith in Martin Luther. Both were mere men, fumbling about in this world. If you don’t know who Martin Luther is, and I bet a good many people don’t: He was the one whom started the Protestant Church of Christianity, separating it from the Catholic Church.

Many bipolar people have profoundly influenced the world. However, no man can be G-d in the flesh. The very idea violates the 10 Commandments. You can’t violate the precepts of the Law and be G-d. That idea is absurd. To be G-d you have to redefine G-d or create a new religion, one that is not based on Semitic influence. Yet, several Christians, and people from other religions are good people, such that I don’t believe that G-d holds Christian’s Christianity against them, or the honest mistakes that humans seem to make. I have read that even the idolater at least realizes that there is a power out there beyond him/her, and that is somewhat to their credit compared to the atheist that makes up all of their own rules, thinking that they are the sovereign Force. We suffer for those honest mistakes on earth, but I don’t believe that we suffer for them in the afterlife. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and fell from grace. Sometimes G-d forgives and sometimes G-d does not. G-d does as G-d pleases. Perhaps, all of us fall from grace at some point or another, and perhaps some of us even regain the grace of G-d.

We are but mere men (and/or women), such that I feel the eternity of our spirits rests more on our intentions to do good than actually following through. Yet, the idea that someone could not have any good deeds to show after trying to do them their whole life is quite preposterous. Good people end up doing good things. And, there is such a thing as an outright bad person. Psychiatrists will verify this. Many of them wind up in court successfully being able to plea that they are insane, such that the system is ever trying to rehabilitate them, but never seeing any improvement. Jesus supposedly came for these people, but after 2,000 years sociopaths still walk the earth, and none of them have ever shown any improvement. So much for Jesus!

Heaven exists because there are certain things that existed in the cosmos, but now exist in the cosmos no longer. Where did they come from? I believe that what predated the cosmos, still exists, but outside the cosmos. There is but a trinity of time, chaos and G-d on the first most likely metaphorical day of creation. Within this trinity, time exists within creation, but true chaos and G-d do not. Upon death, when our spirit awakens from our body, we experience heaven when we go to be with G-d after death, or we experience hell if we have chosen chaos. Ultimately, I believe that we get what we prefer, such that death is not something that we should fear, yet all of us cannot be sinful, for there is a case when one person’s sin subtracts from another’s joy. One man once told me, “Heaven would be hell if everyone was there,” such that our spirits need to be organized in the afterlife, some separated from others, some in the company of others, and some even in between.

The best thing that we can do in life is to do good deeds and study, such that we can begin this purification process on earth, as all that we learn in this lifetime is remembered in the afterlife. At the very beginning of the Bible, the world was created from chaos, and that chaos created an Organizer, which subdued chaos, as a sovereign King. Yet, this King, this Almighty G-d, did not eliminate the possibility of chaos when he subdued it. The organization was left incomplete, such that freewill and determinism exist in the cosmos peacefully. There are most certainly some deterministic aspects of creation. For example, on earth, if I jump, then I will land. If the chemicals in my brain are imbalanced, then I will be insane. Yet, we also experience choices that we make. The cosmos exists from our own perspective, and the choices that we make based upon that perspective are real. This is not to say that some have not been chosen from birth. Sometimes G-d works in mysterious ways. The organization of the world is such that some things are permissive, but not everything we choose to do is beneficial.

Because chaos predates the Light of G-d, time is very mysterious indeed. We experience time as a part of the cosmos, but time predates the cosmos. In the beginning, there was time, and time existed when the world was formless and void. There was darkness before there was Light. In fact, darkness created Light by accident. Yet, Light removed much of the formlessness of the cosmos by creating intermediates. These intermediates are the cosmos, and the Almighty G-d has organized them for us through operation on the cosmos with a mystical hand.

Yet, as night turns to day every day, so to do the primordial darkness and the primordial Light continue to exist outside of creation. The Light created such things as the Sun and the moon, which also predate us. By the very nature of time, we cannot travel to the past. Warp speed is but science fiction. However, I do not know enough to either affirm or rule out time dilation as Einstein conceived of it. Sometime, I will probably come to study and make a personal judgment on that subject. However, as I have faith that the Cosmic Organizer still exists, yet unseen by my eyes, so do I believe that our souls continue to exist, even after our earthly bodies have become dust.

Adam Kadmon

Adam Kadmon

I have read that the spirit of Adam Kadmon, primordial man, is supposed to be the highest level of spirituality, yet I lack knowledge and understanding of what primordial man is supposed to be like. And, perhaps that is the way it should be. For those whom haven’t read Judaism for Dummies, Adam Kadmon is a term used in Jewish Kabbalah. The subject matter of Kabbalah is generally considered appropriate for those whom are 40 years of age and older, and/or those whom have mastered Torah, which is kind of absurd because as legend would have it, Adam, when he appeared in the Garden of Eden had the appearance of being about 20 years old. Furthermore, Kabbalah delves into things that are science, and my dad found it appropriate to begin teaching me these things as a child. For example, he would bring home chemicals from work and teach me about them, once even teaching me how to make a stink bomb using a sulfur compound. To study Adam Kadmon is to mystically study life the life of Adam in the Garden of Eden before sin entered the world through what is known as The Fall of Man. Thus, Adam Kadmon is the idea of Adam before he ate the forbidden fruit that his wife gave him, but that G-d had told him not to eat.

These sorts of ideas are important. It is important to question things such as: what was humanity like before the time of farming? And, what was humanity and creation like before anyone had yet sinned? Thus, Kabbalah often brings up important subjects that are relevant, but can only be addressed with a certain level of maturity. For example, a Light that created light and darkness is discussed a great deal in Kabbalah, such that it is even suggested that Jewish mystics originated the idea of the Big Bang far before modernity had even thought of it. In fact, Kabbalists say that this Light is another name for G-d, which is interesting because that would mean that time preexisted G-d, as the sages say that the Torah is chronological. The first word of the Bible is translated, “When,” and it precedes the Ayn Soph, which I translate as the Light that illumines lights. The Jewish rendering of the opening of the book of Genesis is, “When G-d began to…” This is very similar to the idea in Greek mythology that Chronos is the ancestor of Zeus. However, before there was G-d, the cosmos had yet to be organized. Thus, sometimes I also refer to G-d as a Cosmic Organizer. Yet, with the study of Light, it may be studied infinitely and still not yet completely grasped. That is the nature of Kabbalah. Also, ideas such as wisdom, knowledge and understanding are in Kabbalah. Christians often refer to these as spiritual gifts, but Kabbalah looks far more deeply at them than Christianity. In my experience, most people don’t know what wisdom means, but my experience is primarily with Christians. Wisdom, chochmah in Hebrew, also translates as craftiness. Without understanding (binah in Hebrew), wisdom is absurd, mere mumblings of virtual nonsense that keep the wise out of trouble. However, if someone speaks with both wisdom and understanding, they have true knowledge, but there is also knowledge of good and evil, and so on. In Hebrew, knowledge, or da’at, is somewhere between the expansiveness of wisdom, and the contraction of understanding. Yet, the study of Light, even though it is no longer available, having been divided into light and darkness according to the Bible, still exists outside of the cosmos, continually operates as a Cosmic Organizer that we can’t see, but that we should have faith in, such is the idea of heaven. Why are such things as Light, wisdom, knowledge and understanding important then? Study of such things can result in the creation of new invention, such as that of a remote control for your VCR. The invention of the remote control operates by infrared light that we can’t see, not to be mistaken with the Ayn Soph though if you believe in the Bible historically infrared light was derived from the Ayn Soph. Thus, meditation on the idea that Light was separated into light and darkness is the root of a VCR remote control. It took wisdom, chochmah, to conceive of the idea of a remote control. Yet, before the control had been made, it was not a complete idea. It had to be constricted within the laws of the cosmos. It is understanding, binah, of the cosmos that allows one to refine the raw idea of a remote control into something that actually works.

This is my stab at knowledge of what Adam Kadmon is. Adam Kadmon is a gatherer (in proverbial Eden [an abundant garden of pleasure planted by G-d]), and G-d gives Adam Kadmon one command, which he either chooses to obey or disobey. Thus, he, Adam Kadmon, is neither as Abel, who hunted, or Cain, who farmed, but that Adam Kadmon is the idea of humanity before the time of hunting and farming, and before the time when humanity disobeyed G-d.

For understanding, I present the question: can I still use my electronic coffee maker or drive a car and attain this level of spirituality? That is, what is not the level of Adam Kadmon? And, more importantly, do I even want to know? Is technology the antithesis manliness, and the highest level of spirituality?

In a brief background of my life: I have mental illness. I did nothing to deserve this. I committed idolatry without knowing what it was or that I had done wrong. In fact, from what I was taught, I thought I had done right because my mom had always taught me to try my hardest, and this seemed to make sense because it always seemed like I was hopelessly behind, and that literally working myself to death would be my best hope of salvation.

It is a wonder that I didn’t commit suicide, yet I feel sympathy toward my mother. She had a son that was very sick, and she did the best she knew how, at least she claims, in trying to habilitate me into living a productive life. Had she not pressed me to work with all my might, I would not know a lot of the things I know today though I cannot claim gratefulness to her for teaching me that. Thus, I believe it is that trying too hard can cause someone to commit idolatry, a really unpleasant lesson to experience.

Upon committing idolatry, another G-d spoke out. I hallucinated that G-d said, “I am punishing you.” I retorted, “Why are you punishing me?” There were no witnesses at the time I committed idolatry. I called my parents. Then, I called 9-11 because I became paranoid that someone was poisoning me with carbon monoxide.

My hallucination of the voice of G-d caused me to fear G-d and follow G-d wholeheartedly. I moved, and ridded myself of the idol god. Then, through seeing good doctors, I was very much habilitated (because I don’t even remember a time when I wasn’t sick prior to the habilitation, such that it was not rehabilitation). I got a job working in science, making achievements beyond my previous wildest dreams.

When I left my place of work, I hallucinated again, this time it was G-d giving me a command/statement, “Retired.” Thus, now I fear disobeying the voice. I understand that medical professionals tell their patients not to listen to voices, yet it would seem that following G-d wholeheartedly has brought me many of my dreams, such as having a wife and a son. I know G-d gave Adam a command, which he disobeyed, and was punished for, and I don’t want to do the same, eating from the proverbial tree of knowledge, disobeying G-d by getting another job. I also know that sometimes I hear other voices, and that all these voices are probably generated from within me, even though it doesn’t seem that they come from within.

Currently, I work as a blogger and doing maintenance at a local motel. I have great fear of doing these things. Though I have written thousands of pages (where a page is 250 words), generally about 1,000 a year, I have only made a few pennies, as a blogger. I can’t receive a check until I make $100, and I am fearful of actually making money at this. I do not seek publication (except electronic publication) because I don’t want to waste the paper. Paper is made up of precious cells, and I do not want to be a part of the slaughter of trees. The work I do as maintenance is usually only during the summer. I work regretfully about once every two weeks mowing the lawn. I would prefer not to mow lawns because I feel that it is a needless exercise that ruins precious topsoil. Also, I feel that it is okay to do this because I have not asked for compensation for my work. My boss is in a predicament, where he has stated that he would prefer not to have the financial responsibility for his place of work, but that he bought it for a relative that has now left it to him to pay off. Thus, the lawn needs to be mowed if he is to get customers, and the real estate market is such that the business wouldn’t sell. This is such that I call myself semi-retired. My main work is in raising my son. Raising my son is not really having a job because he is dependant. I also suffer from paranoia of my boss at the local motel, as my mind tells me that my bosses’ name is a code for the idea that he can ask me to do anything and I won’t become a polytheist.

Except for blogging, the work that I do seems to blow up in my face, and in my history that would have bothered me, but now secretly I hope that it happens, such that I can fulfill the command/statement of the Lord. For example, by family pressure I got a job working with septic systems as a temporary worker, yet though I tried, I did not get hired to a permanent position. Though this might be viewed as a failure, secretly it makes me happy because I still feel that I have not transgressed G-d’s command/statement to be retired. I have worked with Chinese medicine, but felt myself incapable of doing the job (one of the medicines that I had to work with caused me to crap in my pants on the spot even though I was wearing a mask). I have worked with a gas powered wood splitter, asking for compensation, cutting up firewood, but I injured my hand. I had to quit due to too much paranoia. I put on a tar roof, but I threw out the muscles with my hand, and had to get rehabilitation. I was not taught guitar correctly, such that I injured it from playing too much in high school, and that injury had lasted all the way up until present, yet from time to time even though I don’t use it very much it still bothers me. I wanted to become a guitar teacher, but the neck of a newly bought guitar, the only guitar I had at the time, had become floppy. I did some construction work, but I became paranoid of the boss, such that I thought that he was tunneling under my apartment in order to break in.

When I did carpentry and asked for no compensation, but received compensation, everything worked out well. When I work for my parents and ask for no compensation, everything has worked out well. When I cleaned horse stalls, asking for no compensation, possibly everything worked out well. I also receive a Social Security check, SSD, which is the same as what one gets when he/she is retired. I did not ask for this on my own, but was prodded by my family. I consider it important to be a contributing member of society, such that I take the money I receive from Social Security very seriously, trying to payback what I receive from the government to the world with my semi-retired activities.