Current mood:
crappy Category: Life
Quarrels with Mom IV
Dear Mom,
I was never shy. The fact was that I could not understand the words coming out of peoples’ mouths in conversation. Believe me; I ached to be able to understand those words so I could join in. I had auditory comprehension in the bottom 1% of people. I was the type that would be lonely even if other people were around. I would see their mouths move, but I could not understand what they said. I could only understand in a one on one conversation, but if two people talked to each other, I could not understand. I also had difficulty in speed. I could not come up with anything witty in a conversation.
It took me much longer to do my homework than normal people. While I was busy failing out of Rutgers, one young woman commented, “Nobody studies harder than you.” Instead, if I met something unfamiliar it was like receiving bulldozing because I could not come up with an answer on the spot. The problem is that I might never have talked about my deficiencies. It was always like there was a funk in my brain.
Morphine, the compound that I suffered from makes people sleepy. I was so sleepy that I wanted to cry daily. I used to get to class early everyday so that if there was an extra three minutes I could close my eyes. I missed so many classes at Rutgers because I was so tired. Your response to this was to say that I needed to get to bed earlier, and that ticked me off. I slept as much as I could, and I got to bed as early as I could. Yet, I woke up exceptionally tired every day. I would fall asleep between waking up and making breakfast. Generally, I did not feel any relief from my sleepiness until noon. That is when the symptoms of fatigue dissipated, so that I was not tired at night. Imagine spend six hours of your day, almost every day of the week for years on end, and you know my dilemma. Remember the movie, “Spaceballs?” In that movie, I would have been Prince Valium.
There were many symptoms and all of them were in difficulty communicating, both understanding and in talking, hyper-sexuality, sleepiness, and in taking care of myself. It is so hard to believe that you did not notice these things. I once read an article from a reputable Jewish source that likened my disease to life in a concentration camp. It was so difficult. I got in three car accidents it was so difficult. I should not have even been driving. In my exhaustion, I felt like you and dad piled on the work, cracked the whip, and made me study harder, but on so many days, I just wanted to die.
I know you like to point out that I was musical, but many with autism spectrum disorder exhibit this. Then, there was my election to the Youth Congress Deputy Speaker, but I heard it through the grapevine that the girls voted for me only because I looked good, and not because of my skill. Yes, there was the Dominican Republic speech I gave when I was in 8th grade, but that is before my symptoms got bad.
Sincerely,
Craig
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